The DEA Wants Cunning Linguists

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 07:25:34 -0400

Don't let last week's depressing job numbers showing a surprising increase in first-time claims for unemployment get you down, the DEA is hiring! That's right, the Drug Enforcement Agency is looking for hundreds of people to help catch the bad guys trying to pollute our streets with drugs. The Atlanta field office of the DEA is seeking over 200 skilled translators, including 9 openings for anyone who can demonstrate fluency in Ebonics.
While this may appear to be “out-of-the-box” thinking, the DEA has a history of tapping into the bleeding edge of society. In December of 1970, Elvis Presley was invited to visit then President Nixon in the White House and was deputized as a Federal Agent At Large for the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.
Nashville songwriting legends Pinkerd & Bowden even memorialized this magic moment with a song called “Elvis Was A Narc.”

Again in 1983 the White House enlisted Gary Coleman and his “Different Strokes” castmates a special episode linking pop culture to Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign.
Fast forward to 2010 and the Feds are using innovation in an effort to stem the flow of drugs into America. Make no mistake, these are highly specialized jobs, requiring a level of proficiency in some rather exotic languages like Farsi, Creole Patois, and yes, Ebonics.
Let us not lose sight of lucrative nature of this gig, working for the Federal government often pays double the money that one can earn in the private sector. So you are probably wondering, is the DEA looking for my resume? If you speak Ebonics, they are.
TheSmokingGun.com is reporting that there are a multitude of good paying jobs with long-term career possibilities for people with foreign language skills.
I can’t help but wonder if Barbara Billingsley has offered to help clean up the streets, by raising her hand and shouting "I Speak Jive?"

Should the 94 yr old Billingsley decide to come out of semi-retirement to serve her country by heading up the Ebonics team at the DEA, I for one will be proud to support her nomination.

However, should this plum spot remain unfilled, I encourage many of the millions of unemployed Americans to start their own home-study course in Ebonics. It's easy, fun and can be done online with one of many Ebonics translators just waiting for your click!

Ok, Home Slice, I’ve dropped enough knowledge on you for one night, I'm Audi... Peace!

CARPE BP?

Wed, 9 Jun 2010 19:38:01 -0400

CARPE BP? - That seems to be a theme heard all across the MSM when it comes to what should be done with BP.

Former Labor Secretary Robert Reich has called for the temporary takeover of the oil giant – at least until we have the situation under control. Could you have a more vague timeline, Mr. Reich? “Under control” means a lot of things to a lot of people. Some folks in Alaska believe that the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Prince William Sound is not yet under control.

And then we have the great global wisdom of satellite radio star Rosie O’Donnell who told her audience that she didn’t care if you “call it socialism, call it communism, call it anything you want” but she wanted BP’s assets seized by the government.

Followed by the rumblings from Congress. Some members of the House and Senate are quite vocal about their feelings on BP and it’s dividend payments to shareholders. Senators Charles E. Schumer and Ron Wyden sent a letter with their thoughts to BP’s CEO.

The latest count has over 40 elected officials (all Democrats) supporting a dividend suspension or at least a cut.

This afternoon on Fox News, host Neil Cavuto attempted to discuss the logic of forcing BP to cut the dividend with one such supporter, Vermont Congressman Peter Welch.

(clip of Cavuto and Welch is here - http://video.foxnews.com/#/v/4233082/lawmaker-demands-bp-halt-ad-campaign/?playlist_id=87937)

I find it odd that the Congressman can grasp the concept of “unfunded liabilities” when it comes to BP and yet turn a blind eye to the same idea when it comes to the American economy and our multi-trillion dollar un-funded liabilities.

Cavuto explained that forcing BP over the financial cliff would only put the clean up bill on American taxpayers. Additionally despite Mr. Cavuto’s sincere efforts to explain to the Congressman that demanding such cuts would not only endanger BP’s ability to pay for the clean up, but would also put a stake into the heart of teachers and municipal unions pension funds who own large chunks of BP stock.

According to a posting on the website democraticunderground.com;

"Shareholding in the USA and UK are almost identical @ c. 40% each. In the case of the USA JP Morgan Chase hold 27% of BP's entire stock. The great majority of BP shares worldwide are held in pension funds of some description. So its not just the retirement of UK's it will hurt those in the USA equally."

Someone needs to explain the theory of unintended consequences to all those screaming that we should seize BP and their assets or that we must force BP to cut their dividend. Take over BP and the American Taxpayer will ultimately pay the bill, force a dividend cut and hurt teachers and municipal workers AND ask the American Taxpayer to pay the bill.

Has Woody Allen Gone “Bananas?”

Wed, 19 May 2010 09:34:13 -0400

Has Woody Allen Gone Bananas?

Woody Allen, the same director who mocked the concept of dictatorial control in his 1971 classic movie “Bananas” has decided that he is now in favor of President Obama being elevated to the level of dictator. What else could possibly explain his comments in an interview with a La Vanguardia, a Spanish language daily where the American director is quoted as saying;

"It would be good...if (Obama) could be dictator for a few years because he could do a lot of good things quickly,"

There are some Americans who think this President has already done enough and wish that he would slow down. Apparently not Mr. Allen. Does he know that few dictators ever relinquish that standing voluntarily? I do know that he was not always so lax in this thinking about Presidents and their powers.

Let’s dial it back to 1971 (just two years before his current wife/adopted daughter was born) when Woody Allen was making an obvious political statement with his comedic satire, “Bananas.” After stumbling into leading a rebellion in the fictional Central American country of San Marcos, Fielding Mellish is arrested in New York and put on trial for treason. In a courtroom scene, the reigning Miss America is called to testify against Allen’s character and is asked why he is a traitor to this country… the perfectly-coiffed beauty answers cheerfully;

“I think Mr. Mellish is a traitor to this country because his views are different than the views of our President and others of his kind. Differences of opinion should be tolerated, but not when they are too different, then he becomes a subversive mother.”

The quote starts about 3:35 into the clip, "Miss America" talks about why he (Allen's character) is a danger to this country...)

To those of us who came of age during the time of this movie’s release, we understood what Allen was saying… A government needed opposition. The memory of Kent State and the students killed by National Guardsmen was still fresh in the minds of most young Americans. It was also just a couple of years after the violent police action against the hippies in Chicago at the Democratic National. Woody Allen was using his comedic gift to remind everyone that protesting your government was something we must stand up for – at all costs.

But that was then, this is now. Or should I say, that was Nixon, this is Obama.

Could it be that Mr. Allen is showing signs of diminished mental capacity? He will turn 75 later this year. If his dictator wishes are not enough to warrant some sort of investigation into his competence, let’s review his latest statement supporting Roman Polanski;

"He's an artist, he's a nice person, he did something wrong and he paid for it. They [his critics] are not happy unless he pays the rest of his life. They would be happy if they could execute him in a firing squad," Allen added. “Enough is enough.”

Enough is enough, Mr. Allen. Thanks for letting us know that the dictatorship you’re promoting will be ultra efficient as it will not require a justice system. Criminals will be allowed to impose penalties on themselves. Cool, huh? Wanna bet that Kim Jong Il, Castro, Chavez and the other members of the Dictators Club don’t allow convicted criminals to sentence themselves?

Perhaps Woody Allen needs to take a refresher course on his own work. I would bet that NYU offers one of those continuing education programs that focus on the works of one influential director. Start with “Bananas” it’s filled with clever analogies that would apply to those who would “fundamentally transform America” today while silencing the voices of those who disagree with them. And bring the wife, since she was born in 1973, Soon Yi probably missed most of the 70s, at least the good stuff that happened in the early part of the decade.

Trophies For EVERYONE! Yah CNN!

Wed, 12 May 2010 08:49:58 -0400

I guess it’s all relative. Huffington Post has declared that CNN is back.

According to the article, “A funny thing happened on cable news last week: CNN — yes, the beleaguered, ratings-starved, down the middle cable news network that just can't find an audience — scored major ratings victories over Fox News and MSNBC.”
Let’s take that statement apart.
“Beleaguered” - I’m down with that, CNN certainly qualifies as beleaguered.
“Ratings-starved” – We’re two-for-two HuffPo one more and we start shopping for furniture in the Village.
“Down the middle” - Oh, sorry, so sorry. Just because CNN is less liberal, less Progressive than MSNBC does not qualify them for “Down The Middle” status. The CNN regular contributor list reads like a David Plouffe’s Buddy List - Paul Begala, Donna Brazile, and James Carville spend so much time on CNN most viewers think they are full time employees.

HuffPo went further in its detailed, backhanded compliments: CNN's ratings successes continued into the evening last week, as well. "Anderson Cooper 360" regularly beat the 10PM repeat of MSNBC's "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" (a feat it did not manage in April), and "Campbell Brown" even topped the original "Countdown" run on Tuesday. "John King USA" saw its best numbers since it launched, and beat MSNBC's "Hardball" rerun three days in a row.

So we’re trumpeting the news that “A.C. 360” managed to beat a repeat of Olbermann’s nightly rantfest? That’s worthy of a press release, I guess. But it is odd that there is no mention of Fox News, the real winner in the nighttime ratings battle, just a statement that CNN beat MSNBC. Curious.

And CNN must have read the HuffPo story and they smelled blood in the water. Absent a genuine breaking news story they have resurrected the old standard issue that always excites the base – Obama’s Birth Certificate. The issue of the President’s birthplace was always a fringe issue, and one that Robert Gibbs AND Glenn Beck agree on… they both see it as a waste of valuable time. (Although one suspects they would use the time to accomplish some very different tasks.)

So why did Anderson Cooper set up a confrontation with uber-birther Terrence Larkin and his attorney? It makes good television… no? And I’m betting that it’s gonna destroy that 10pm repeat of Olbermann’s “Countdown.”

Could CNN’s brief flirtation with mid-day mediocrity have anything to do with the latest non-stop, breaking news mentality surrounding the Gulf Oil Spill and the Times Square Bombing Attempt? No matter, the fact lost in all of this is that aside from one or two flashes of success in some isolated daytime hours, MSNBC and CNN’s numbers could be combined and still not match the Fox News numbers. It’s kind of like when the jr. high gym teacher was trying to be nice and told me, “Ya know, you don’t sweat much for a fat guy.” I felt pretty good about myself, until someone explained it to me.

iPad/iPod Users On A White House “Watch List?”

Mon, 10 May 2010 07:39:23 -0400

I wonder where the MSM is on this topic?
At a commencement address this weekend in Virginia. The President spoke candidly about his inability to operate devices that even the most tech-challenged among us handle with ease.
"With iPods and iPads and Xboxes and PlayStations, -- none of which I know how to work -- information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation," Obama said.
Hang on a second. The guy who elected using a campaign that was so digitally advanced that it left the GOP in the dust is now saying technology is a distraction? I wonder if any previous Presidents are on record telling graduates to avoid the craziness coming out of the “wireless” or warning them about the mind-numbing pablum being force-fed to them via the “boob tube?”
Isn’t this the man whose campaign used John McCain’s lack of internet savvy as a weapon is now saying that he doesn’t know how to use an iPod? Speaking to the Associated Press in September of 2008, Obama spokesman Dan Pfeiffer said, "It's extraordinary that someone who wants to be our president and our commander in chief doesn't know how to send an e-mail."
This President fought to keep his personal Blackberry – and won. Back in January of 2009 MSNBC reported that President Obama was going to be allowed to continue using his Blackberry – referring to this as “a victory for the man considered the country's first high-tech president.” MSNBC called Obama the country’s first high tech President, so it must be true, right?
This President also has a Twitter account. While most folks don’t believe that Mr. Obama is spending serious time crafting 140 character messages to his nearly 4 million Tweeple, he is officially on Twitter. Just last Friday after the Jobless Rate increased from 9.7% to 9.9% his tweet announced, “Speaking about today's monthly job numbers report, the best in four years, at 11am ET.”
All of this would lead one to believe that the Commander in Chief is connected to the latest in technology and as such, in synch with the youth of America. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons that demo supported his election in such great numbers.
And what about that iPod statement? Didn’t President Obama give the Queen of England an iPod filled with his speeches and books on tape? Thankfully we dodged a huge diplomatic bullet. Can you imagine the international incident that might have been caused if the Queen opened the box and asked the President to teach her how to use the iPod?
Mr. President, I strongly suggest that you start living up to the suave image that was sold to America – the image of a young and hip Commander in Chief, with a Blackberry full of celebrity email addresses and a Twitter Follower count that Ashton Kutcher envies. Demonizing technology like the iPad, iPod, Xbox and Playstation just makes you sound like, you know, old.
We suggest that you spend a little more “dad time” with those two very smart daughters of yours. They probably know the ins and outs of those four new-fangled gadgets that are confusing you. And think of what a warm and fuzzy “photo-op” that would be for the 2012 election.